Days of Wine

This is my first blog and I confess I really don't know what I'm doing here. I have read that those who blog are the self-obsessed, with little else to do with their time except look for admiration and silent applause from others. I do not consider myself self-obsessed, merely unhappy in lots of ways and seeking an outlet for my many frustrations. That said, I have read and enjoyed many blogs, usually when I should be working - but hey, it helps pass the tedious business of work.

It has often been said of me, that I should write a book - I don't think I will ever find the time to do that and I'm not sure it would be any good - probably give every publisher in the land a good laugh if nothing else.

Some background. I am a forty something mother of three, a girl, S aged 19 and two boys B & H aged 16 and 15 respectively. B has Downs Syndrome and (after a long fight) is in a residential special needs school from Monday to Friday, comes home weekends. To achieve this I have had to engage (very expensive) solicitors and it's not over yet. B will be leaving school at 19 and heaven knows what happens then. He has the mental capacity of a 5 year old and will never lead an indpendent life (sorry if this sounds negative, but facts are facts). The Local Authority (LA) have consistently refused to accept that he has any needs at weekends (despite accepting that he has severe learning difficulties and needs a many in the week), hence he comes home on a Friday evening and goes back to school on a Monday morning. He doesn't want to come home on a Friday evening and often refuses to get in the taxi. He spends all weekend asking when he can go back to school. If it wasn't so sad, it would be funny. The conversation goes like this:

B:- " Mom - when it Monay?

Me: "Today is Saturday, tomorrow, is Sunday, then it's Monday"

B: " Monay, I go school"

Me: " Yes B" on Monday you go back to school"

B: " Mom - when it Monay?"

Me: "Ok two big sleeps, then back to school"

B: "Ok

B: " Mom, when it Monay?"

Spoken like Matt Lucas from "Little Britain" and that's just me!!

B cannot pronounce "B's"., "D's" and "S's"

The LA have provided "Direct payments" for me to buy in care for him on weekends and holidays - fine - except that I can't find a care agency with the necessary care package available to assist.

S lives with me, she has twin boys J & J aged 21 months who also live with me. She got herself into a disastrous relationship with the twins' father, which lasted just under two years. She and the twins have been with me for a year now and it's damned hard work (is it ok to swear on here??) I try not to swear, but sometimes, it's unavoidable. Anway, S terrifies me. She is a younger, stroppier and louder version of me and I don't like what I see. True, she has a lot to deal with, but then, so do I. Guess that's maturity for you - but I don't feel like being very mature. The twins are delightful, if loud. They are systematically ruining my new house - new just two years ago when I thought all the children thing was over and done with. No more stairgates, no more crayons, no more food on the floor, no more cupboard locks. How wrong can one woman be?

H is my middle child, now 15 and almost a man. His hormones are spitting at me daily. Sometimes, all I do is remind him of the time for school - you would think I'd surgically removed his mobile phone, sold his x box (what does the X stand for?) and posted pictures of him naked on the internet (mental note: learn how to do that). He's not a happy bunny these days, except when I'm spending money on him. He broke his leg on 1 June this year - fell out of a tree (don't ask). Plaster now off, but regular visits to hospital not over yet.

You must be wondering if there's husband in this life. Well there is, in title only. He's uninterested and unspportive, unless it's got anything to do with his work or golf. Oh yes, he suffers from selective hearing too (how do men do that?).

I don't know why or how I'm still here.

It's not all bad, there's always a bottle of Pinot Grigio in the 'fridge!