Truly, Madly, Deeply

It was a cold grey early November Monday morning and I was sitting at my desk, contemplating another five days in the office. I checked my emails, mostly junk, then my favourites on the internet - the webcam on the Oriana - Mum & Dad were back in Southampton today, the webcam at Calella de Palafrugell in northern spain, a lovely sunny day, the national lottery - did I really have to spend another week here? Unfortunately, yes.

So, the week began as so often before, nothing much to report, nothing much to look forward to, except a frighteningly high credit card bill, an overdraft and only two paydays to Christmas.

It had been over two weeks since his last text, nothing particularly unusual in that, but it's rarely more than two weeks, sometimes I get a message and we indulge in a text conversation, lasting several hours. Nevertheless, I felt uneasy, had I heard from him for the last time?

His texts are always full of wry humour, followed by gentle caring and sometimes slightly pornographic thoughts and they always, always make me smile. I wondered, should I send him a text? Hmmmm, don't want to appear needy, but needy, I am.

I restrained myself. The telephone rang and and so began the start of another busy, stressful day in the office.

At 4pm my mobile gently bleeped at me. "1 message received". It was a text from him. Instantly, I smiled. He asked about my weekend, nattered about his own, then he said "thinking of you" and finished with some mildly sexy code for the things he would like to do to me.

I think of him too, every day. It's been over two years since we parted company and I know he has someone else. Why does he stay in touch? Does he harbour some hope that one day I will tell him I am alone and available? We parted for that very reason, it was the wrong time for me. Will it ever be the right time?

Or is he just the serial womaniser I fell in love with? I still adore him.

I will be eternally grateful for having known him, but there's nothing so profound as the loss of profound love.